People talk a lot about red flags when we are in relationships. But it is equally as important to consider the green flags. Green flags can be thought as sign posts or indicators that the person you are becoming close to is safe and nourishing for you.
Some of us intuitively feel the green flags when we get to know people, for others this is something we need to learn. A lot depends on what we learnt about life in our first five years. For many of us that’s where our attachment styles become entrenched and where we learnt how to survive, or if we were lucky, thrive. Our life experiences then compound or enhance our relational capacity which directly impacts our sense of whether someone is good for us.
For many people our patterns mean we find ourselves continually in relationships that are not emotionally safe for us and negate our capacity to grow as an individual.
How does this relate to yoga?
Well we talk a lot at Yoga Space about the intersection of Spirituality and Science. If you have been practicing with us or reading these blogs your well aware that neurons that “fire together” “wire together” and in our video library we explore some of the deep patterns of thinking that we can get stuck in. In yogic terms these are known as “samskaras” – psycho spiritual grooves. I wrote about samskaras here and practice helps us to change these patterns. If we practice regularly and steadily over time these patterns have less of a grip on us. We experience an inner and outer freedom. How we approach being in relationship changes.
Relationships are the place where our samskaras (patterns) are played out. You can read about Yoga & relationships here.
What are some green flags when we are entering into relationship with someone?
1. Their actions & words align.
The old adage actions speak loud than words is important to consider here. Do they say one thing, yet do another?
2. They applaud your successes and are your number one fan.
Life is to be celebrated, your joys are their joys. There is no need to demean, criticise or desire for you to play small.
3. They know how to listen and you feel heard.
Can they listen without needing to solve your problem for you?
4. They don’t need you to change, but are supportive of changes you want to make.
You are cared for just as you are. They don’t need you to change, but if you want to make changes they actively support you. They go on the walk with you, or try to get up early too, or drink less alcohol, or eat more wholefoods with you.
5. They apologise and make an effort to change their behavior.
We all make mistakes. A green flag is when people can own it and try to do the work that needs to be done.
6. They are open to understanding your love language (even if it is different to theirs).
We all need to be loved and supported differently. Some enjoy words of affection, otherwise a nice hot cup of tea. Or both. Some people need more space than others. A green flag is when someone tries to tune in to what YOU need.
7. They are honest, even if it is hard.
In yoga this is “Satya” living in truth. They share their feelings even if it feels hard, embarrassing or scary to be vulnerable.
8. They are dependable, they do what they say they will do.
Empty promises are a red flag. Green flags mean that they try their best to carry through for you. The relationship is a priority.
9. They are curious about you, life, the universe
They see life as a journey and are delighted to undertake this adventure with you. They ask questions, they want to learn.
10. They are committed to growth.
They are excited to see you grow and evolve and are happy to be by your side. They embrace the relationship as a mirror for what they can work on. They know that intimacy requires a commitment to mutual becoming.
I would love to hear your relationship green flags? Do email us so we can share them!
Remember, developing an inner trust when it comes to relationships can be supported by practice. This month we have our meditation intensive to help you dive in deep to working with your mind. Fully online in the evenings with experienced meditator Saam Renton PhD. Find out more here.