Closer to Fine: Reflections on Healing

I borrowed the title from my current travel anthem, "Closer to Fine," an indie folk song from the early 90s. "Closer to Fine" sums it up. I’m feeling closer to fine, and maybe you want to be just a little closer to fine too?

For me, this song resonates because it isn’t just about wanting everything to be okay. It’s a reflection on purpose and meaning, a hopefulness that our lives matter and that we can somehow make a difference. I have been learning a lot these past seven months and am beginning to tentatively try to teach a little because I truly want to support and help you.

I started writing this in Wanaka during our New Zealand road trip. The songs "Closer to Fine" and disco anthem "Young Hearts Run Free" became the theme songs for this adventure, much to my eleven-year-old's disdain. On Christmas Day, everything changed for us, and this trip was part of the healing my family needed.

Of course, there were highlights, like this unimaginably beautiful trip to the secret sauna.

But it was also hard and lonely at times. Travel was difficult and painful. I missed being with my kids on the snow; I kept myself busy continuing with my rehab in random gyms and resting in some scenic saunas. Life is different now; I am different.

Of course, I wanted to climb a mountain, but I knew my body was only really capable of a shorter walk. So at Aoraki, we took the shorter path, the one we would not have chosen before. Even still, it was challenging, and I slipped on the ice.

Fortunately, the yoga and strength training I have been doing so consistently meant my body was able to absorb this fall without further injury. I couldn’t have even taken this walk two months ago. I have been consistent—significantly and surprisingly (to myself) consistent. Indeed Yoga Space is set up for consistency because consistency is key, whether it is wellness you are cultivating or spiritual wisdom.

Someone recently asked me how my recovery was going. Objectively, I replied, “It is going superbly.” But subjectively, I have lofty goals.

I want to feel free in my body.
I long and yearn for the movement I once had.
I struggle to take the time required to manage the physical discomfort.
I am tired from the effort needed to manage my mental health and trauma.
I am fearful of the required future spinal surgery.

It is not all rainbows and unicorns. But I will always practice what I preach.

In a way, my whole world kind of broke for a while and it was terrifying. I couldn’t teach, take care of my children, or do simple tasks to care for myself.

Everything fell apart. But I can see now that I am rebuilding. There is too much trauma to call this post-traumatic growth (yet). But I know I am kinder, more compassionate, and present. Also, I didn’t know how loved I was until this happened.

I have learnt to be patient. And on this trip to New Zealand, we took it slow.

That seems to be the theme for me: take it slow. Sometimes when life gets hard, we avoid, or we give up, or we give in. For me, my approach to all of these uninvited life lessons is to:

1. Feel it all
2. Ground in breath and presence
3. Keep going. Take wise action.

I could not take these steps if it was not for my yoga practice. Feeling it all would be too scary, I wouldn’t know how to get grounded and might feel confused about what action I could take in each moment.

Yoga is a precious gift that we can receive. Yes steady practice will help us get “closer to fine,” but yoga is so much more than this. Yoga, when there is space for curiosity, ownership and empowerment in your practice, will foster spirituality, purposefulness and ultimately wise action in the world.

That’s why no matter what class you take with us - you are the expert on your own body and mind. Our teachers walk beside you with a depth of training and lived experience that means they will see you. Truly see you. No judgement. No yoga cool club. No concern as to whether you are a beginner, established in practice or returning after an injury.

But I know sometimes you need someone to be a little closer as you get closer to fine! So I have opened some additional appointment times for August and through our Mind Body Reset launching in September I have created a personalised program where for three weeks you and I will work together intensively.

For me getting “closer to fine” is just a beginning. Like I said, I have lofty goals; for me, you, our yoga space community and the not for profit work we do in the community.

If you want to be able to feel it all, ground in presence and take wise action I will see you on the mat (view timetable). August is all about inversions (for all levels, info here) and we have only 5 spots remaining for our silent retreat in the forrest of Denmark, WA this November. The theme is "Journey to Wholeness" and the experience of a silent retreat is significant. All the info is here.

Sending you love, wishes for your own healing and deep loving kindness,

Jean x

Book an appointment with me here for yoga therapy or mentoring.